Doc -- A Great Sportswriter

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Whaddaya 'spozed to do when a guy goes Three Stooges on your eyeballs?
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Especially when the stooge in question is a defensive tackle who stands 6 feet 7 and 335 pounds?
John Henderson's fingers are bigger than a foot-long with chili and cheese, and late in the third quarter Sunday, they located Andrew Whitworth's baby browns and began an eye-ectomy.
"As he was falling, he was ripping at my helmet. Next thing I know, I have two fingers in my eyeballs," said Whitworth, the Bengals' left guard. "Either I'm going to get fined or this guy is going to potentially ruin my career."
Fabulous football mayhem ensued. When it was done, the helmet-less Whitworth could be seen mouthing to Henderson, "Bless you, my son."
Referees tossed Henderson and Whitworth and signaled offsetting personal fouls, the dumbest call in the NFL. Whitworth's pride was in full bloom, which was fitting, given the words he spoke to offensive teammates Saturday.
We'll get to that. First, the Bengals won their first game, 21-19 over the Jacksonville Jaguars, whose putrid performance gave the afternoon its through-the-looking-glass feel. The win destroyed the Bengals' chance at a defeated season and gave them momentum heading into next week's game against Bye, in which they are early three-point favorites.
It was "a steppingstone to understand that if you keep hammering, the rock cracks," explained coach Marvin Lewis, who then exhaled for the first time since July.
The Bengals won this game on both lines, which they dominated. Jacksonville's offensive line was devastated on opening day and has not recovered. The Jags' D-line isn't bad, though, and the Bengals handled it, too. Cedric Benson hit the 100-yard mark with 12 minutes to play; Ryan Fitzpatrick was mostly filing his nails in the pocket.
Chad Ocho Cinco caught two TD passes. After the second, Chad-O kissed Lewis on the cheek for the second time this year. Later, Marvin walked Chad home and asked him to go steady.
"That was big," acknowledged Lewis. Not the kiss. The line play. "We ought to dominate up front with our offensive group." Defensively, "They understand the things Mike (Zimmer, defensive coordinator) is asking of them."
The home team took a 21-3 lead with 9:15 left in the third quarter. Because these are the Bengals, though, they proceeded to fumble a kickoff that was returned for a TD, then allowed the Jags to drive 73 yards for a score with 1:22 to play. That made it 21-19. A vintage meltdown loomed, requiring only a two-point conversion and overtime to complete. Mercifully, Jags QB David Garrard's no-touch bullet intended for a slanting Jerry Porter dented the wall behind the end zone. Game over.
A win is a win in the National Football League. Where, we are instructed, it is hard to win, even if half the clubs somehow manage it every single week. Still, the Bengals deserved the 'W,' as graffiti-covered as it was.
Whitworth set the tone after the team's walk-through on Saturday. The third-year lineman gathered his offensive mates and said this, paraphrasing:
"Every team in the league thinks we're Homecoming. They think we wear leotards and smell good. When they look at the schedule and see us up next, they call their agents. Their travel agents. Everyone believes those guys are practicing all week. They're really in Cap Juluca, sucking down White Russians.
"Enough is enough. Are we not men? Time to flex some Bengals pride, some Bengals heart. It's not over until we say it is." Then Whitworth ran off the field like Belushi in Animal House.
Or something like that.
Actually, Whitworth away from the game is a rational, reserved, spiritual guy, not prone to speech-ifying. Which made his words all the heftier.
"Who cares if we're oh-and-eight?" is what Whitworth actually said to his mates on Saturday. "People think they can walk all over us. People think we're a joke. I told the team I was here today to defend everyone and play with pride. Let's play with heart. Let's play with pride. There used to be a day we walked around here with confidence."
Maybe there will be again. Until then, one win will have to suffice. And Whitworth can still see.
E-mail pdaugherty@enquirer.com



michialosada wrote:
DOC! Maybe I'm slow, but I just thought of this and I had to at least pitch it to you. Holmgren's got a terrible team in Seattle this year, but the man KNOWS pro football! HOLMGREN for GM! I know it's a pipe dream here, but if Mikey Browh handed over the Bengals to Holmgren as GM, you KNOW things would be destined for a turnaround! Doc - make it happen!11/3/2008 2:20:56 AM DOC! Maybe I'm slow, but I just thought of this and I had to at least pitch it to you. Holmgren's got a terrible team in Seattle this year, but the man KNOWS pro football! HOLMGREN for GM! I know it's a pipe dream here, but if Mikey Browh handed over the Bengals to Holmgren as GM, you KNOW things would be destined for a turnaround! Doc - make it happen! michialosada
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