I'm a 350!

(c) 2010 F. Bruce Abel

So I go over to the Sharonville Convention Center about this time yesterday to see the scores on the wall from Tuesday Regionals afternoon's breakout session. At the partnership desk Lorna D. sits with two others.

Throughout the ensuing conversation I am facing Lorna with my back to the seats where people are waiting for their partners, comparing scores, etc.

"Do you want to play in the 9:00 A.M. game?"

"Who's asking?"

"That lady sitting behind you."

"How many points does she have?"

"How many 'points' (masterpoints) do you have and do you want to play with a 350?" she calls out to the lady sitting behind me.

Now I interject this thought. Bridge is such a game! Lorna, who knows me through years of playing intermittently, knows exactly how good I am, 350, (and knows that I am a kind, caring partner who never shows displeasure with his partner, and always apologizes over his own mistakes), and that number (350) is about right in terms of my playing ability. But the ACBL computers will not show this number (for a while) because I've been devoting the last few years to watching Emma play basketball and Owen play baseball, and being in plays. Oh, and practicing law. Oh, and trading the market.

The lady calls out that she has 130 points.

"Is she pretty?" (the lady can't hear this comment.)

No answer from Lorna and the smiling sitters.

So without turning my back, I refuse, go back into the hall and continue searching for the results of the Tuesday afternoon side game, which I finally find.

Then I go to the men's room.

Coming out, Lorna passes me -- it's almost game time but the lady still sits-- "Won't you play with her?" (Her normally steely eyes -- she's a 1500 -- pleading.)

"Is she from out of town?"

"Missouri."

"O.K."

Another story:

We're getting into the car in Indy in the spring of 2001, ready to go to federal court to try to get an injunction against the The American Contract Bridge League, ACBL, which has banned J.B., my client, from playing for two years, for cheating. The President of the ACBL, (a 5,000) who arrived at midnight to testify in support his friend J.B., says "Is Carol (a 600) going to take me on direct?"

"No, I am."

"How many points do you have?"

Now a third incident:

Jimmy Cayne, testifying before the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission of Congress Tuesday, under intense grilling for Bear Stearns going under (he was at the ACBL nationals playing bridge), turns the tables on the Chariman by saying:

"How many points do you have, Mr. Chairman?"

Don't believe it? Click on the title to this blog above! (I'll save you the trouble, it's not there.)