Entertaining in Canada

Your Second Home Guests With Children
No-Tears Visiting

Nancy Doniger

new_york_times:http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/04/greathomesanddestinations/04your.html

By STEVE BAILEY
Published: July 4, 2008
YOU love your country house. You love to entertain. For the longest time you’ve been inviting your nephew and his family to spend a weekend with you. He has finally set a date to visit — with his wife and two children, an 18-month-old girl and a 4-year-old boy. Reality starts to set in as you look around at all the breakables, the unfenced pond and the balcony with just one metal bar for a railing.
More articles on second homes and vacation destinations.Go to Escapes »
RelatedMore Your Second Home Columns
Or, you’re the one with the children. You’ve been invited to a friend’s weekend home. The friend also has children, close in age to your own. What could go wrong? For one thing, the friend’s approach to child rearing could be very different from yours. Her children might have what you think are ridiculously early bedtimes, or may actually stop making noise when asked. They might not run in the house, and they might know the difference between “inside” and “outside” voices. You face a weekend of apologizing for your children’s behavior.
Karen and Ed Bakos of Manhattan often visit the antiques-filled weekend home of Mrs. Bakos’s cousin in Pine Plains, near Rhinebeck, N.Y., with their two sons, Alexander, 7, and Thomas, 3. “Thomas is noisier than my cousin and her husband are used to,” Mrs. Bakos said. “My boys are active and like to giggle, and we had to figure out how to meld this dynamic with my cousin’s very serene — country, but more formal and mature — ambience.”
Depending on which side of the equation you’re on — hosting children or visiting with children — there are guidelines that can help make the visit what you want it to be. You want to keep tantrums and hurt feelings to a minimum, and you want the kids to have a good weekend, too.
If you’re the host:
•Find out in advance what the guests’ children like to do. If they’re old enough for board games, let the parents know whether you have a stock of Candy Land and other games.
•Discuss what accommodations you have for children. If the parents need to bring a portable crib or a playpen, make sure they know.
•If the children are old enough to crawl or walk, that means they’re old enough to wreck anything that’s not at least three feet off the floor. It also means they can open the doors of low cupboards. Move the Limoges pieces to the mantel. If possible, use string or heavy rubber bands to secure cupboard doors.
•Drapery and window-shade cords can pose strangulation threats to children. Make sure all cords — and that includes any old toys that might have pull-cords — are out of reach.
•Let your guests know if your house has stairs that can’t be closed off. That way they have the option of bringing a portable child safety gate.
•Try to know where the children are at all times. The parents may think 4-year-olds can play alone in a fenced garden, unaware of a koi pond, poisonous berries or other hazards.
If you and your children are guests:
•Let your hosts know what time your children go to bed so they can plan accordingly.
•Take along books, favorite toys and other items to help keep your children amused.
•If you have a portable crib, bring it even if the host has a crib. The host’s crib may be an older one that’s not as safe as your portable crib.
•If a child has strong aversions to any common dishes, pack some favorite foods. In addition to showing up with wine for the hosts, you should have juice boxes, as well as Cheerios and the like.
•Take along disposal bags for diapers, if needed.
•Talk to older children about what they can and cannot do at your friend’s home. Try to engage them in the visit by telling them what you like about the host or stories about odd things you and the host have done together. They might then be more interested in sitting quietly and waiting for something funny to happen.
As for Mr. and Mrs. Bakos, they found a way to manage their visits with Mrs. Bakos’s cousin. “We take the boys’ energy outside and run them ragged so they’d go to bed early,” she said. And they make a point to take along Thomas’s trains to keep him occupied and away from a teacup collection.
“On a few occasions,” Mrs. Bakos said, “I wish we had brought Duco Cement” — for repairing china.